The last few weeks have been filled with sadness. Two friends, each at only age 48, have passed away in the past 3 weeks. A young man - only in his early 30's - who was a resident at Citizens was taken off of tube feedings, taken home, and passed away on Wednesday. It's been rainy and a bit gloomy, and I am facing my first Thanksgiving in 18 years without Tori by my side. And I'm still fairly-newly separated. Ugh.
I know there are thousands of things to be thankful for, and I am taking a few moments every morning to remember those. But today, for some reason, the "what-if's" are taking over my thought patterns. If only I had realized when I was younger what I really wanted in a relationship, if only I had communicated that more effectively for 22+ years, if only I did what I knew was best for me instead of what feels good at the time....the list goes on and on.
I have cried more in the past 3 weeks than I have laughed. I have worked long hours in a job which, thankfully, I love, but I am exhausted. I am having a hard time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. We're heading into Holiday Season, and I want to be joyful, be grateful, be happy....am hoping that things turn around soon.